


A Path of Life and Death

by Chifle



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Character Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29667837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chifle/pseuds/Chifle
Summary: Death is a road all life must face in the end. Death marks a resolution to one's life and experiences. There are no second chances, no do-overs, no repetitions. But what if there was, what if the cycle could be broken to change what one thought was never meant to be. What could someone with such power do? And what will the world do with such an individual?
Kudos: 1





	A Path of Life and Death

**_Location Unknown, Date Unknown_ **

What is a memory? 

You could summarize it as a recollection of thoughts from a certain point in one’s past, put together to make up a specific scene or sequence. That would be the meaning for most, but in my case, it couldn’t be far from the truth.

Memories used to be just that, memories. As a kid, they meant remembering trivial things like the last time I played with my friends, had my favorite meal, or the eternal wait for summer to enjoy more free time, alongside other meaningless examples. And those times were great, memories are not supposed to bring deep and painful emotions, not to a kid. Not to a normal one at least.

It was during my teenage years where reminiscing became a hurtful activity. Or to be precise, it was in one day in particular when everything turned around. 

I vividly remember the first time it happened. I thought it was a joke, perhaps my imagination had taken the best out of me due to panic, or maybe I was going mad like many of my peers in Trost. I had no way to tell.

Then it happened again, and again, and again. I wasn’t stupid, it didn’t take long for it to sink in. It wasn’t caused by panic or wishful daydreaming. It was real and it was happening.

My life would change that day. 

A curse and a blessing were discovered within me that day. 

It would make me evaluated and even force me through my most painful memories to survive, but at the same time gave me a chance to make a difference

A game-changer, that’s what it was. But I can’t honestly call it the beginning of this story. No, for that we must dwell a little deeper into the past. 

This story is not mine alone after all. But a group of people tasked with a heavy burden, one which would only increase over time.

This is the tale of a broken family, a glimmer of hope, and the end of an era.

* * *

  
  


**_Yarckel District, Year 847_ **

A heavy leather bag bounced twice on my bed after I recklessly threw it without much of a care. Its content seemingly about to burst open from the bag itself, showed how much of my personal belongings I was taking with me.

“Okay so…what next?” I said out loud while mentally reviewing the list of possible items I could be forgetting. There are always a few of those.

Better double-check with my actual written list, instead of trusting my memories. They’ve proven distrustful in the past.

I quickly grabbed a single piece of paper laying on top of one of the many wooden drawers in my room and read its contents.

Books in case of utter boredom, which will eventually come to pass? Check.  
Two changes of clothes for survival and five sets of underwear? Check.

A pair of extra boots just in case? Check

Basic toiletries? Hopefully done, I don’t want to open the bag just for that.

Money? Dad says I won’t need it but I’m taking some anyway.

_Everything seems ready. Now to take it downstairs._

A timely knock on the door came at that very moment. Probably one of the butlers or maids coming to check up on me.

“Yes, what is it?” I asked right away while putting away the paper I had at hand.

Not a second later, an answer came from the other side of the door. “Young Master, your father would like to know if you’re ready to depart. He’s waiting alongside your brother in the main hall.”

Hearing my father was waiting for me gave me a small fright, he isn’t known for his patience, the other way around. Being as much of a good father as he is, he has a couple of negative points, but don’t all humans have a few of those?

I took a small leap and walked towards the door, opening it and gave a smile to the butler.

“Carlo, good thing you were sent here. I need some muscle to carry my luggage.”

Carlo was one of the ‘newest’ butlers working in our manor, he had been here for nearly 3 years. Neatly cut hair and straight posture were his best selling points, and he was by far the strongest person in the household. Not bad for someone in his forties.

He didn’t reply at first and only nodded.

Taking a few steps into my room, he picked my bag from the bed with slight difficulty at first. He probably wasn’t expecting the weight of it, I could even swear he winced a bit after putting the strap around his shoulder. 

“Young Master, your father told you to take only the essentials. And I can’t help but notice that the bag is rather…substantial.” He said as nonchalantly as he could.

I gave him a swift reply as I walked past the door and onto the hallway. “But of course, I’m only taking the essentials as he said. You know I need a lot to keep myself entertained and comfortable. It can’t be helped.” I said with an impish smile. 

Knowing keeping the discussion would go nowhere, he only nodded and went in the direction of the main hallway.

I stayed behind to take a good look at my room before leaving. I won’t be returning for a while, 3 years. That is a decent amount of time, even then, I’m not sure where I’ll be stationed.

_It’s simple, I just want to join the Military Police and work as close to home as possible. Father would help with the necessary contacts to do so, I’m sure._

It’s not a goodbye, just a farewell. I’ll return to my old life before I even know it. No need to get worked up over it.

Without a second thought, I turned around and followed Carlo to the main hall. The manor being a decent size, we both walked with a slight hurry in our steps to shorten the time.

And as Carlo said, Father and my brother were waiting in the main hall. My father was smoking one of the fancies, the big cigarettes he likes so much, and my brother laid down on one of the couches, staring at the ceiling. Clearly bored to death, uninterested in what was going on.

My father saw us coming while we were walking down the stairs, taking the cigarette out of his mouth he said, “About time you showed, I was beginning to think you were starting to regret your decision.” His tone being casual and friendly, it seems he wasn’t annoyed by the wait.

My father was not far from the typical wealthy merchant. A well-kept appearance, his height being in the average range, and dressed in elegant clothes all day, one could even say we were nobility. He certainly tried to present himself that way.

“Apologies father,” I apologized, “Packing took more of my time than expected.” 

“I imagine you packed the necessary, correct?” he asked with faint malice in his voice. “I’ve told you plenty of times, there is little room for personal belongings in the barracks.”

“That I did,” I replied and proceeded to give Carlo a smile and a nod. He didn’t reply, instead, he took my luggage to our cart waiting outside.

“Excellent,” he announced, “Get up Adam, we have to take your brother to the plaza. There is no time to lose.” He told my brother Adam, before walking in front of him and towards the main entrance of the manor; they were a set of big old doors, with fancy carvings.

With a sigh, my brother lazily stood up and with the same amount of energy followed father. “I still don’t get why I have to go. I can say my goodbyes here and be done with it,” he complained.

_Such a caring brother I have._

“You know you’ll miss me even more if you don’t,” I answered him jokingly, before heading towards the cart awaiting us outside.

The early morning cold welcomed me as I stepped outside, even if it is the middle of spring the cold weather tends to resurface in the mornings.

Carlo sat outside next to the driver, while the driver had the reins already in hands, ready to depart. 

My brother was already in the cart and my father finished what little was left of his cigarette only to then toss it by the sidewalk once done.

“Said your goodbyes to the house? You won’t be back for a while,” he said while stepping on the cigarette. 

“I’m good, I’ll be back in 3 years. I’m not going away forever you know.”

“Military life is prone to change men in more ways than you could imagine,” he said with a distant stare, “But enough talking, get in. I’d rather you get there early.”

“Yes father,” I replied before climbing into the cart. 

The road towards the plaza wasn’t a long one, it was no more than 10 minutes away from the manor. But those 10 minutes were more than enough for dad to give me one last talk before dropping me.

In that relatively short time, my father looked at both of us, who were sitting in front of him, and spoke up.“So, since your mind is made up, it is time for a few words of advice,” he dad started talking.

“Dad,” Adam interjected, not wanting to listen “You have gone through this countless times, why is this even necessary now?”

“I agree with Adam, there is nothing you haven’t told me about joining the army.” I continued.

“No,” he calmly replied, “there are a few things I left out. First of all, you won’t be having any privileges there. As much as I hate to admit it, the influence of a well-known merchant family like ours means little in the military training. Expect no special treatment.”

“But you said you can help me once I was in the Military Police.” I was quick to add.

“Yes, in the Military Police. Before that, there is nothing I can’t do, you’ll have to earn your place,” he responded while getting another cigarette out of pocket.

There was a mere moment of silence before anyone said anything. “Why bring that up now old man? You are trying to scare him on purpose,” Adam said, slightly annoyed.

“It is inconvenient for sure, but my mind is already made up. You can’t scare me out of it.” I said with a relaxed tone “I already had an idea that was the case anyway.”

My father’s stare didn’t change at all after my reply, and so he continued, “Good, if you’re so sure about it, then I suppose that’s alright. And no, I’m not trying to scare you. It is more like a test to your resolution.”

“Weird way to ‘test’ someone but okay,” Adam said while sinking on his seat and leaning his brown beret to cover his eyes, trying to take a short nap.

Father coughed, “Anyway, the other thing I wanted to point out was for you to watch out from the rest of the cadets, try to avoid making friends if possible.”

Adam, who was still trying to take a nap in an awkward position, loudly clicked his tongue at dad’s words.

As the very down-to-earth person that he is, he’ll make clear his opinion on any topic, regardless of what others might think. This situation is only accentuated whenever he shows any signs of disagreement. Not backing down against anyone, that includes dad who can get easily irritated when his opinions are challenged. However, with time dad decided it was pointless to argue with Adam, the discussions rarely go anywhere.

Case in point, dad ignored Adam’s little strife and kept his eyes on me, expecting an answer. One I’ll gladly give him.

“Now that’s ridiculous,” I exclaimed, “Why would I do that? Does me talking to sons of peasants and farmers hurt you so much? You do realize I’ll be spending three years there, right?” 

“You don’t get it,” he calmly replied, “Whoever you befriend is none of my business. But keep in mind that our last name is well-known and many will try to take to get something from you because of it.” 

“I’m aware of it.”

“I would even suggest you hide it or change it, but that’s going to be worse to keep in long run,” he continued. “Make sure that whatever relationships you form there, don’t interfere with the business. And I’m being very serious.” He said before taking one last smoke of his expensive cigarette.

“I’ll be careful if that’s what you want. I’m not stupid enough to let others manipulate me. I assure you.” I said without a second thought.

Father lost eye contact with me as he threw his cig out through a small opening in the cart’s window. “That’s all I want to hear,” he said without changing his emotionless expression

The cart trip continued for a while longer without further conversation between us, everything that had to be said has already been said, the only thing left is just goodbye. My family has never been the melodramatic type, but that is not to say we don’t care about each other. They care in their own special way, showing affection in special on rare occasions only. I like to believe that makes it more special.

Taking a glance at the small window to my side I could notice the sunset slowly approaching, and how it’ll be the last time I’ll be seeing here from this city for some time.

The carts taking the cadets to the training camp leave before it gets night so I’d say we’re in good time. I don’t enjoy arriving late or too early, somewhere in between is perfect for me.

As I was appreciating what little view I could get from my window the cart slowly came to a stop. We had arrived at the plaza, or at least, close enough to it for the cart to park.

“We’re here,” said a muffled voice from the outside of the cart, most likely the driver.

My father stood up and opened the door before Carlo could get it, “Come on Ansel,” he told me, giving me a quick look. “And Adam, say goodbye to your brother, you won’t see him for a while.” He said before stepping out off the cart.”

I look at Adam and he still sank on his seat with his haunched bag, but this time his beret wasn’t covering his eyes. He was distinctly awake but not looking at me, his stare seemed to be lost, distant.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked, “You can always stay here and participate in the family business. We can help each other like we always have.”

_Ah, I knew you cared._

I gave an exaggerated hum before actually replying. “A tad late for that, don’t you think? I mean, I’m already here.”

Adam straightened up, seating at the edge of his seat, and let out a short snort. “Heh, I had to try you know. My conscience wouldn’t leave me alone if I didn’t.”

“Good to know you’re doing it for yourself, you scared me for a second there.” 

A short silence followed my sarcastic reply. I could tell he was thinking his words, he had always been like that.

“For real,” he began, “You can stay if you want to, but at the same time I think this will do you good. You’ve never been one for numbers or business. Sports were more of your thing,” he said, this time turning to look at me in the eyes.

I nodded, “Yes, as much as I respect the family business, I don’t feel like I fully belong there. You already knew as much. I don’t know if this is the right way, but I’m sure it’ll get me close to finding it.”

For the first time in the day, Adam smiled, a genuine one painted on his face. “That last part was so corny, where do you get those lines? Please stop reading romance novels already” He laughed.

“¡Hey! They can provide good info if you’re willing to go through them,” I replied half-joking.

Just as fast as his smile appeared, it fainted, but he extended a hand to me. A solemn yet determined expression on his face.

“I don’t know exactly what you’ll be up to over there, but show those idiots that the ‘Desch’ family doesn’t take shit from nobody.” 

A firmly grabbed his extended hand and gave a shake. 

“It would be a crime not to show how inferior they’re to us,” I said in full confidence. “Worry not, I’ll show them.”

A handshake between twin brothers, about to be separated for 3 years. It might look simple or too cold to some, but for us it meant more than enough and that’s what matters in the end.

My respective farewell with my brother finished, I took a step outside. The plaza was one block away, I could hear the rowdiness and cluster of voices coming from the eager youth about to be shipped to God knows where. And alongside those youths were their parents, for some of them at least. Some seemed excited, worried, excited, or indifferent. Their kids were leaving, of course, that’s going to lead to a plethora of emotions, is to be expected.

“I told you not to pack much,” said a voice behind me.

_Speaking of parents._

In the back of the car was my father, with Carlo unloading the single back I had brought with me.

“It wasn’t all that heavy, I assumed that was a good sign it was good,” I shrugged.

“And that is why you made Carlo carry it to the cart? I doubt it,” he said, giving me a stern look.

“Alright fine, you’re correct. I probably overdid it a little.”

Father didn’t even reply at that point, I suppose he was too tired to even scold me, or perhaps it wasn’t that much of a big deal in the first place.

He began walking towards the plaza and made a sign with his head for me to follow, then said, “Bring your luggage yourself, Carlo will not carry it for you this time.”

I looked at Carlo then at my luggage which was at his feet, he carried it out of the cart and left it there. I grabbed it by the strap and placed it around my left shoulder.

“Good luck, young master,” Carlo said

I turned back and looked at him, with a small smile on my face. “Thanks Carlo, take care.” 

His reply was only an elegant and gentle nod, proper of a butler with years of experience.

Soon after I caught up to dad who had gone ahead and was halfway there. With a slower pace than usual, meant he was waiting for me to catch up.

He came to a halt once we were a decent distance away from the cart and almost in the plaza. I could see the many, rustic and rough-shaped carts that were meant to transport the new cadets to the training grounds. And of course, the crowd of parents and teens amalgamating around it all.

Dad’s sight was set on the crowd, and he was oddly calm while doing so. It was almost disturbing. He stood like that for almost a solid minute before I got him out of his inner thoughts.

“Don’t tell me you’re planning on trying to stop me?” I joked.

The words got him out of his daze and went back to me, “No, I would never do that. This is something you planned for some time, didn’t you?” To that, I only nodded. “As a father, I gave you all the warning I could, but if this is your decision then the best I can do is support it.”

Before I could even come up with a reply, my father hugged me. A tight embrace I rarely get from him.

I slowly got my arms around his back too and returned the hug. 

It was a short-lived one, but just as my brother’s handshake, these sort of signs of affection are rare in my family and when they do happen they carry a lot of weight.

Even after letting go, he kept a hand on my shoulder. “You will be fine, son. You always performed greatly in physical activities, more so than any other kid your age.”

“Thanks, father, I-I promise I won’t disappoint you. I’ll get into the Military Police and make our family proud.” I said with full confidence.

He lightly curved his lips, giving me a warm yet barely noticeable smile. “I know you will.” He took his hand off my shoulder and signaled me with his head to move on towards the plaza. “Go on now, they’re going to depart any minute now.”

“Tell Mom I’ll be writing as often as possible as promised,” I remind him before leaving. He only nodded in response, that was enough for me to go on my way.

I turned back facing the plaza, adjusted the leather strap holding my back, and started walking. 

I didn’t look back, because I knew I’d be close to shedding a tear and that’s the last thing I want them to see from me in the 3 years I'll be away. I’ve got to hold it in, there’ll be time for reminiscing later.

* * *

As expected the plaza was filled with plenty of carts, less fancy ones compared to the transport my family normally uses but that’s to be expected. And all of those were here to take the recruits to the training facilities.

I lined up behind one of the two tables with an officer behind them. The ones behind the tables were making lists of the recruits signing up or ones that had previously done so in advance. My case was the latter.

The line was fairly long, maybe 20 to 30 students before me, but at least it was moving fast enough for it not to feel like a drag. It was already sunset and the carts were close to departing so no wonder the officers in charge of recruiting were speeding the process up.

After a couple of minutes, finally, it was my turn. The officer taking notes of the recruits had an unnerving appearance. Sickly pale, tired, and most likely bored to death.

“Did you sign in in advance?” He asked with a raspy voice and monotonous tone.

“Yes”

“Name,” he said without raising his eyes from a list he had at hand.

“Ansel Desch,” I replied proudly.

He repeated my name to himself in a lower tone and looked for it in the list. It didn’t take him more than 5 seconds to find it and crossed it out once he did. “You’re set, take this badge and show it to any of the officers in charge of the wagons, now get your ass outta here. Move it now.” He ordered unconcerned while giving a cheap badge with an emblem of the army in it.

“Yes sir,” I manage to reply, trying to get into the whole military mood.

As ordered I nervously walked to one of the officers near one of the carts, I didn’t know which one was exactly in charge but following the rest of the cadets I figured out eventually.

I showed him my badge still at hand and looked at it carelessly, and pointed to the wagon behind him.

“Take your bag with you kid, no special treatment here,” he said without giving me a second look.

I went off to one of the many wagons, one that was empty. This would be one of the last times I experience time for myself, alone. So it took the chance.

Slowly people started showing up and joined me in the wagon. It was a mix of boys and girls, mostly from the same age, but from different backgrounds. You could tell just by looking at them, some were well fed and had decent clothes while others were shockingly thin and wore rags or patched-up clothes, and then there were others in between. 

_I shouldn’t be surprised. After the fall of Wall Maria, this became a common occurrence._

No one knew each other, hence the uncomfortable silence and stares fixed on their boots or floor.

The voices coming from outside began thinning too, and soon after the wagon started moving at the order of one of the soldiers. We remained silent through it all.

While I knew my father said to avoid making friends, I never planned on following that order. Not like he can find out anyway. But given how things are, I’ll have to wait for that.

The sounds of wheels against, the howling of the wind against the cart, and the casual exchange of words between drivers are the only silence breakers we have. 

Until someone decided to speak up.

“M-my name is Mina Carolina,” A girl randomly said, with nervousness in her voice, “It’s nice to meet you all!”

I’m not sure what motivated her to greet everyone, but no one replied at first.

She reddened out of shame, seeing how her greeting was not well received.

_Taking initiative, you're brave and I respect that._

“My name is Ansel Desch, nice to meet you, Mina,” I said with confidence, hoping the others would follow. 

And Follow they did. A blonde boy who was slightly shivering not so long ago spoke up.

“I’m Thomas Wagner,” he said, raising his sight from the floor.

That opened the gates for everyone to join.

“Nick Tierce”

“Name’s Samuel.”

“Hannah Diament.”

And so people, one by one began introducing themselves and trying to do small talk with each other. Lighting up the poor mood we had.

It seems I won’t have to wait that long to make friends here.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> It feels like I wrote this fic on a whim, and well, that is fairly close to reality. Truth be told you can blame the final season for it, it gave the energy and motivation to start writing this story. I can't really tell how often I'd be updating. Hopefully, it won't be too long between chapters, time will tell.
> 
> As for the story itself, if you made it all the way down here I hope it was because it was decent at the very least. I've ideas for the main events but every else is still kind of a blur right now, I'll try to figure it out as I go. And for those wondering (yes, I see you there), there will be a pairing for this story, I've yet to fully decide on it but there'll be one.
> 
> If this fic somehow sparked your interest and you want to know more or talk to yours truly, you can join a discord server I normally hang out in.
> 
> Here is the link in case you feel like joining: /9XG3U7a
> 
> So that's about it. Until next time!


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